Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts

6.9.10

Clod-stuck poem invigorated

or: Liturgy in the Sky

Again
 

Presentation of the role of straw Heron
This lake. For taking steps
Besides, why bother in the water, and
Pull up a blank, but only once.
Later, in the streets for miles, and some
He said that he will be there when the came. How to
Every day that fragile legs
Cool green scum, a good library door
The heat and light? This is the world's stupid.
Their streets every day, the sky,
Crypt in his cave,
Tin from surface distortion, Scattered in the yard.
daisied West
Changes in three colors, dandelion
The road was. Each year, influenza
Thick volume of air and tingling in wild
Hot, thin grass, leaves light
The beginning. Heron's position
The stone on the ground or behind me.
And broken wings, and then open and remove the iron
Blue rhythm, his body during the flight.
I felt the heat, and straw. Hope song
Taste of the wild, I empty
I said: No, but warm in the fields of
And skin. It is not long before
Start normal breathing,
The liturgy is still in the sky.


- Not Iself

Notes
Received another clod-stuck poem from that well-known ex-poet laureate this evening, which trampled its clod-stuck path about something or other very realistic from one trite line ending to the next.

What to do to breathe some sort of life into that still-life?

Well, I decided to pass it through Google Translate in a bunch of iterations - from English to Chinese to Bulgarian to Georgian to Arabic to God knows what and eventually back to English.

The above is the unadulterated result.

It's a wee bit puzzling ... but at least it's puzzling, which could not have been said about the pedestrian original.

Robert Bly might appreciate it - it has some of those leaps and bounds he thought great poetry should have.

Here's the Hindi version ... just for kicks:

फिर

भूसे की भूमिका की प्रस्तुति बगुला

इस झील. कदम उठाने के लिए

इसके अलावा, क्यों, पानी में परेशान है, और

ऊपर खींचो एक खाली है, लेकिन केवल एक बार.

बाद में, मील के लिए सड़कों में, कुछ और

उन्होंने कहा कि वह वहाँ जब आया होगा. कैसे करने के लिए

हर दिन है कि नाजुक पैरों

शांत हरी मैल, एक अच्छा पुस्तकालय दरवाजा

गर्मी और प्रकाश? यह दुनिया की बेवकूफी है.

उनकी हर दिन सड़कों, आकाश,

अपने गुफा में तहखाना,

विरूपण की सतह से टिन, यार्ड में बिखरे हुए.

पश्चिम गुलबहारों से ढंका हुआ

तीन रंगों, पीले फूल का एक पाक्रर का पौधा में परिवर्तन

सड़क था. प्रत्येक वर्ष, इन्फ्लूएंजा

हवा की मोटी मात्रा और जंगली में झुनझुनी

गर्म, पतले घास, पत्तियां प्रकाश

शुरुआत. बगुला है स्थिति

या मेरे पीछे जमीन पर पत्थर.

और टूटे पंख, और फिर खोलने के लिए और लोहे हटायें

ब्लू ताल, उड़ान के दौरान अपने शरीर.

मैं गर्मी महसूस किया, और पुआल. आशा गीत

जंगली का स्वाद, मैं खाली

मैंने कहा: नहीं, लेकिन के क्षेत्र में गर्म

त्वचा और. यह लंबे समय से पहले नहीं है

शुरू सामान्य श्वास,

मरणोत्तर गित आकाश में अब भी है.

29.4.10

And give us today our daily mixture

Elton John says GOP oil leak in trouble for 5 states
Shootings kill census mail blockade of Bullock
Illegal Alabama immigrants say new congress may not tackle
Baby results could be well of sunken drilling rig
Ariz. governor candidate plans to leave over Obama
This is Mexican border city: we speak law
US Navy has encounter with Ryan White
AP source is divorcing James, adopting immigration soon
Iranian jet turned his life around
Banking regulation bill abandons 16 people in English

– Iself 2010

Blended, mixed, inverted, contorted from 10 current headlines for napowrimo #29, front page news

28.3.10

Renewed onslaught of replica spam

There's good news for all those who had begun to miss replica watch spam:

REPLICA SPAM IS ALIVE AND KICKING!

Beyond that, it has added a confidential, personal note.

Here are some examples that came in during the past two weeks:

From Rita at v04010501bb8c0c083aa5@aist.go.jp

Hi,
At last I’ve found the store that sells quality replicas. All replica timepieces I ordered before looked like cheap imitations. I liked this store from the very beginning. I like their service and selection, and finally the watch I’ve received turned out to be nice, heavy and made from stainless steel.
Tom

http://crave8600.spaces.live.com

-----

Again from Rita, but this time at a6201d@ms21.hinet.net

(she calls me "Bill", hinting that we know each other, but let me assure you that that's not so)

Hello, Bill,
You won’t believe your eyes when you see my new watch. You’ll never guess it is a replica. It looks perfect and I love it. I’m sure I will be a great success with girls now, I’ve already caught some interested glances. I’ve ordered it from Prestige Replicas in case you are interested.
Dan

http://simplicial4271.spaces.live.com

-----

And, surprise surprise, from Rita once more, spamming from this address: 20dollys@india.redcatsasia.com

Hello, Julia,
I received my replica watch on Tuesday. I'm so excited! It is heavy, massive and looks so luxurious and beautiful!!! My boss has original Cartier, he thinks mine is real too, as it is impossible to tell the difference. I'm going to order from them some other models of watches too. Hugs, Angelica
uuo

http://august8860.spaces.live.com

Well, this time Rita is apparently Angelica, and the hugs are for me, Julia, even though I ain't no Julia and there ain't none in the household.

-----

The next one is from Maria (thank God for some diversity) at allen576@digitelone.com - even though one could also get the impression that it's from Robert to George!

Dear George, Today my replica watch has arrived and I'm surprised it doesn't look like a cheap imitation. My friend has advised me to buy a replica watch, so I can keep my original Rolex for special occasions and use the replica for daily wear and tear. Nobody will notice the replacement. I recommend you to do the same. Robert

http://supposition7516.spaces.live.com

My concluding thoughts:

1. Is there actually anybody who is interested in buying this shit?
2. Have any of these spammers ever earned a dime from their spam?
3. Who would be stupid enough to click on one of those links?

Oh, but here's a picture of someone who apparently did order:

6.2.10

Relatively unknown 2nd Lt. wants to share Iraq money

Here's the latest in spam scam from Sparkie Helen White (her nickname is Squeaky Clean, most likely), who, in her own words, is "relatively unknown" to me. Nice wording, even though I would change the adverb to "entirely" for truth's sake. By the way, the BBC News link below is actually legit.

Who knows, perhaps some reader may want to write to see what the promised vivid and coherent next message might be?

Enjoy this sincere offer:

Greetings,

I know you would be surprised to read from someone relatively unknown to you. My name is 2nd LT. SPARKIE HELEN WHITE, a member of the U.S. ARMY USARPAC Medical Team, which was deployed to Iraq at the beginning of the war in Iraq.

I would like to share some highly classified information about my personal experience and role which I played in the pursuit of my career serving
under the U.S 1st Armored which was at the fore-front of the war in Iraq.

Though, I would like to hold back certain information for security reasons for now until you have found the time to visit the BBC website stated below to
enable you have an insight into what I intend sharing with you, believing that it would be of your desired interest one-way or the other.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm

Also, could you get back to me having visited the above website to enable us discuss in a more clarifying manner to the best of your understanding. I must
say that I'm very uncomfortable sending this message to you without knowing truly if you would misconstrue the importance and decide to go public. In this
regards, I will not hold back to say that the essence of this message is strictly for mutual benefit between you and I and nothing more.

I will be vivid and coherent in my next message in this regards, meanwhile, could you send me an email confirming that you have visited the site and that
you have understood my intentions? I will await your thoughts via my personal email.

Thanks,

Best Regards

2nd LT. SPARKIE HELEN WHITE.

2.11.09

Neueste Trends in Spam-Betrügereien

In den letzten Tagen und Wochen erreichten mich ca. 20 Spam-E-Mails, die Varianten der bekannten Nigeria-Betrügerei sind. Sie geben meist vor, aus verschiedenen Ländern Afrikas zu kommen, haben aber deutlich erkennbare russische Wurzeln – einige Buchstaben, darunter auch die deutschen Umlaute und das ß sind durch kyrillische Buchstaben ersetzt. Das Deutsch enthält einige amüsante Stilblüten; vielleicht wurde ja mit Google Translate übersetzt – aus dem Englischen oder auch Russischen. Hier als Beispiel ein Überraschungsbriefchen von "Dr. Luka Simbalu", das mir heute in die Mailbox flatterte:
Lieber Freund,

Ich vermute das diese E-Mail eine Ьberraschung fьr Sie sein wird, aber es ist wahr.Ich bin bei einer routinen Ьberprьfung in meiner Bank (Chartered Bank von Sьd Afrika) wo ich arbeite, auf einem Konto gestoЯen, was nicht in anspruch genommen worden ist, wo derzeit $14.300,000(vierzehnmillionendreihundert US Dollar) gutgeschrieben sind.

Dieses Konto gehцrte Herrn Christian Eich, der ein Kunde in unsere Bank war,der leider verstorben ist.Damit es mir mцglich ist dieses Geld $14.300,000 inanspruch zunehmen,benцtige ich die zusammenarbeit eines Auslдndischen Partner wie Sie, der mir die erforderliche Hilfe geben kann fьr diese Inanspruchnahme.

Bitte Lesen: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm
Ihr Anteil wдre 30% von der totalen Gange, wдhrend die restlichen 70% ist fьr mich und meine Kollegen.Wenn Sie interessiert sind, kцnnen Sie mir bitte eine E-Mail schicken, damit ich Ihnen mehr Details zukommen lassen kann.
Bitte, Sie mьssen diese Transaktion sehr vertraьlich behandeln weil die Transaktion einer DEAL ist.

Mit freundlichen GrьЯen
Dr. Luka Simbalu
Email:lukasimbalu@aim.com
Ich selbst werde von dieser wahren Überraschung zwar keinen Gebrauch machen, stelle das Angebot aber großzügig allen Lesern zur Verfügung. Vielleicht fühlt sich ja jemand bemüßigt, die Hand nach seinem Anteil an den 14,3 Millionen US-Dollar auf dem leider ach so verwaisten Konto auszustrecken. Außerdem kann es nicht schaden, wenn das E-Mail-Konto des guten Dr. Simbalu ein bisschen zugemüllt wird.

12.7.09

Dichterlesung / nahezu ein Haiku

Ein Tisch.
Ein Glas mit Wasser.
Ein Mann, sein Wort.

– Johannes Beilharz (© 2009)

So sieht trotz allen Multimediagehabes immer noch der Prototyp der Dichterlesung aus – mild belächelt, heiß geliebt, was auch immer.

Die Damen Dichterinnen mögen sich bitte nicht ausgeschlossen fühlen. Dem Autor ging es hauptsächlich um den Anklang an den uralten Werbespruch "Ein Mann, ein Wort, Batavia".

14.2.09

Paraphrase

wie talg und seife der frisch
– Karin Fellner

Wie Talg und Seife der Frisch
riecht es nach Dünger grün –
so balge und reife der Wisch –
um Duft sich zu bemühn.

Die Iris – schwarz – Giraffe
fährt zitternd die Lippen aus,
der Lyris Quarz der schlaffe –
oh fleh – er bleib zu Haus.

– Iself (© 2009)

Paraphrase eines Gedichts von Karin Fellner (gestern per Lyrikmail erhalten) und Anwendung einer soeben entwickelten Methode: man lese ein Gedicht fetzenartig, also oberflächlich und ohne Versuch, seinen etwaigen Inhalt oder seine Aussage zu verstehen, kopiere dann mit digitaler Technik ein paar Zeilen daraus und improvisiere auf dieser Basis. Dies scheint besonders gut zu funktionieren, wenn man von dem Ausgangsgedicht nicht besonders angetan ist, also ohnehin eher dazu neigen würde, es oberflächlich anzugehen, weil es einen auf Anhieb nicht anspricht. Dass dabei etwas Literarisches oder gar Sinnvolles herauskommt, ist weder unbedingt gewünscht noch garantiert.

20.12.08

Updatitis

Definition:
A recent, virulent, rapidly spreading disease.
Symptoms:
You're happily working along on your computer when suddenly a window pops up informing you that update xxx needs to be installed. In some instances, the window can neither be nixed nor moved, covering up what you are working on. Moreover, it may display a message to the extent that another security leak at port xxx has been discovered, leaving you wide, wide open to potential hacker attacks.
Effects and side effects:
Loss of space on your hard disk, loss of time, e.g. due to having to reboot your computer, stress, anger, anxiety, uncertainty as to what is happening to your computer and who really owns it.
Remedy:
None.
Most common strains:
Microsoft, Adobe, Apple, Real, WinAmp and many, many more.
Suspected cause:
Massive failures to get it right the first time around.
Final word of advice:
Do not believe for a minute that you are able to keep on doing whatever you were doing while update xxx is installing itself. Some people have lost their hard disks that way.

24.9.08

Eigentlich

wollte ich etwas schreiben
über gerade erfundene Gedanken
zu den potenziellen
Nahrungsmittelselektionsgebräuchen
einer in Klagenfurt geborenen
neueren Dichterin im Vergleich
zu meinen eigenen, kam dann
aber zur schlagenden Erkenntnis,
dass das nichts geworden wäre als
ein bisschen Lärm um nichts

– Iself (© 2008)

Geschrieben in Antwort auf genau das, als Bloßlegung eines “Missstandes”.

30.7.08

Poetische Moden

Kurze Beispiele verschiedener Poetik-Schreibweisen

1. Fußgängermodus

Ein Auto fuhr zügig auf der Autobahn dahin

2. Aufgepeppter Fußgängermodus

Ein Benz bretterte auf der A81

3. Verfremdeter Fußgängermodus

Aus dem rechten Augenwinkel sprang ein Mercedes mit abgedunkeltem Fahrer heran

4. Abgehobener Modus

In einem Zustand zwischen Ekstase und Muskelkrampf

5. Metaphysischer Modus

Unsägliche Leidenschaft auf rasender Fläche

6. Freewheeling-Modus mit kaum mehr wahrnehmbaren Objekten

Roter M., du fährst so stulle

Längere Gedichte zur Illustration dieser und anderer Modi sind willkommen.

3.6.08

Rüde Behandlung

... ein Gedicht durch die Zähne zu rotzen ...
(Lydia Daher)

Heute in einer E-Mail als Zitat aus einem Gedicht gelesen.

Sollte man nicht selbst einem Gedicht eine bessere Behandlung angedeihen lassen? Außerdem steht das Rotzen in der Regel auch eher mit der Nase in Verbindung als mit dem Mund.

Deshalb frischauf in den Tag mit einem auf normalem Weg gehauchten oder auch nur angedachten Gedicht.

15.5.08

Short ghazal honoring spam

I remember a time long ago when spam
was something one wouldn’t eat.

Since those good old days spam
has become something other than fatty meat.

Every day now I find loads of spam
in my mailbox. Oh what a treat!

– Felix Morgenstern (© 2008)

Written in response to Mad Kane's Email Hell invitation for limericks and haikus about that lovely new age scourge – spam. Well, I have to sheepishly admit that I neither have limerick nor haiku to offer but something more similar to a very short ghazal.

14.5.08

A spammer ...

has usurped BlogFriday's "clever" theme, spamming it with what looks like over 100 "contributions" from such fanciful non-entities as hamilten, osvald, ulemah, salaliah, nigiel, pavelik, olujimi, jeriel, melodie, oxleigh, udiyah, special, shauna, frytzi, rozeana, eiddwyna, meygyn, germayn, etc.

What a collection of angels! They all seem to have one thing in common – they refer to pages hosted by www.freewebs.com that advertise the usual spammer crap or offer downloads that will most likely do wonderful things to people's PCs.

The proper designation for the mastermind behind this kind of attack refers to a specific opening in a lower body part.

1.5.08

Was wär er, trüg er heißeres Verlangen?

Na, vielleicht der Autor eines heißeren Gedichts als der folgenden platonischen – pardon platenschen – Saga von den mysteriösen Anderen, Jenen und gar gefährlichen Schützen:

August von Platen (1796-1835)
Was will ich mehr, als flüchtig dich erblicken?
Was wär ich, trüg ich heißeres Verlangen?
In welche Netze würd ich, wenn ich hangen
An deinem Auge bliebe, mich verstricken!

Was will ich mehr noch, als ein eilig Nicken?
Es würden deine Worte mich befangen:
Vom Schützen wird ein Vogel rasch umgangen,
Wenn mehr er will, als an der Kirsche picken.

Wohl mögen Reize, die so ganz dein eigen,
Den Wunsch der Sehnsucht in den Andern wecken,
Sich dir zu nahn und dir ein Herz zu zeigen.

Ich werde nur, wenn Jene sich entdecken,
Vor deiner Schönheit huldigend mich neigen,
Nicht eine Silbe soll dein Ohr erschrecken!
Ja, in welche Netze hätte er sich da wohl verstrickt! Wir werden es leider nie mehr erfahren. Denn diese Netze wären vermutlich ganz interessant gewesen.

Dieses Gedicht gehört von der Thematik her zur Shakespeareschen Gruppe Viel Lärm um nichts.

Nicht eine Silbe hat unser Ohr erschreckt,
das hat der Autor wohl bezweckt.

– Iself

Empört über die schofele Kritik oder gar angetan von Platen? Titel dieses Klassikers sind im Buchhandel oder Online-Buchhandel, z.B. Amazon, erhältlich.

25.4.08

Field theory, breathing and projectile verse

The other day, while dusting my shelf, I came across Charles Olson’s Selected Writings and started rereading his essay (if it can be called that) on what he thought poetry should be like.

I’m not very good at remembering abstract details, but I recall a few of his keywords, such as field, breath and projective.

Once again I feel compelled to illustrate theory to myself by practice, i.e. by living it.

The following poem practices everything Olson mentions.


Three Breathy Fields


FIELD 1

It is an open field, unhindered by obstacles.

Not even a cow projects from it.

(Actually, I should remove the periods at the ends of the lines to achieve openness, and it surely won't hurt to move the subfields or breath units about a bit)

It is an open field, unhindered by obstacles

Not even a cow projects from it

FIELD 2

Here I practice breathing. Everything I write should be spoken in one breath. It should be spoken without breathlessness, however. Since that’s a double negative, I’ll put it positively: It should be spoken with breathness. Still with me in the same breath?


FIELD 3

Is like Neil Young’s field of opportunity, where "it’s ploughing time again"

.
.
.

This field is left open for your convenience, to plough things in, under or over. Fill it with breath, openness, projectiles, whatever. But remember not to damage the screen in front of you.

This ends today’s occupation with Charles Olson’s projective field and breath theory. Perhaps I shall return for another lesson soon. Await it with baited breath.

24.4.08

Relief for ED patients

To all those suffering from ED (Excessive Dishonesty), primarily politicians:

Do not despair! This new drug has helped Mrs. Clinton and is bound to help you:

Click on picture to display full size.

6.4.08

Youth suspected in banana store hold-up beaten by police officer

Lieutenant Shylock Enrique García of the Fuentecarral Police Force was no myrmidon by any means – just a little incapacitated in the conscience department and somewhat frozen in earlier history when the softening-up of suspects was routine preparation to elicit some useful answers.

– Iself

Written upon inspiration by Raven’s Week 7 Mini Challenge. The words frozen, history, myrmidon, Shylock and incapacitated were to be used.

Thank you, Raven, for getting me acquainted with the word myrmidon.

13.3.08

Microsoft Lottery (?)

We all know that Bill Gates is one of the shrewdest people on earth when it comes to sniffing a buck against the wind. It is also known that he's a great philantropist, redistributing oodles of his software user-earned $$$ to cancer research, etc.

What's little known is that he's gone senile and started the Microsoft E-Games Promotion Award, of which I am a lucky consolation prize winner, as I've been informed by e-mail this very morning. Yahoo! I've been approved to win an incredible 500,000 £.

All I need to do to collect is send all my essential data, including my mobile phone no. and a copy of an ID, to Bill Gates' trusted friend and caretaker Paulson Depp at the following highly official e-mail address:

mr.paulsondeppclaimmanager@hotmail.com

I'm sure Mr. Gates' generosity doesn't stop with me. I think that you, dear reader, also have the best chances of having won this award and should claim it just like me. So, despite all the severe warnings below, I've decided to let you in on this. Here's the text of the e-mail with all the details on how to go about cashing in:

Microsoft E-Games Promotion Award
20 Craven Park Harlesden
London NW10,
United kingdom.
Registered No: N.I 24284
***************************
Dear Consolation Prize,

CONSOLATION PRICE WINNING NOTICE

This is to inform you that you email have won a prize money of(500,000.00)Five Hundred Thousand Great British Pounds Sterling for the month of March,2008 E-game promotion Award which is organized by Microsoft Windows Inc. Your email address attached to the ticket winning number:MCPA09788 that drew the lucky winning number, which consequently won the Microsoft E-games promotion Award in the second category,in four parts.You have been approved for a payment of 500,000.00 Great British Pounds Sterling (FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND GREAT BRITISH POUNDS) in cash credited to file reference number:MIC/WS68768P/68. This is from a total cash prize of FIVE MILLION GREAT BRITISH POUNDS Shared among the ten international winners that won the second categories.All participants were selected through a Multi international computer ballot system drawn from 98,000(Ninety eight thousand) names of email users around the world,as part of our international promotion programme.Due to mixed up of some names and addresses, we ask that you keep this award personal, till your claims has been processed and your funds remitted to you. This is part of our security measures to avoid double claiming or unwarrantedtaking advantage of the situation by other participants or impersonators.
****************************
PAYMENT OF PRIZE AND CLAIM
****************************
You are to contact this office for further instruction on how to claim your prize with this information.
WINNING INFO:
Amount Won:500,000.00 Great Britain Pounds Sterling.
Batch Number: 0094/AM6880
Winning Number: MCPA09788
Reference Number: MIC/WS68768P/68
****************************
CLAIM DEPARTMENT OFFICE
****************************
Claims Manager: Mr Paulson Depp
Office via Email: mr.paulsondeppclaimmanager@hotmail.com
Office Contact Number + 44-704-572-5696
Winners Care Line : + 44-703-184-6783

Note: The Verification and Claims form should be filled and sent to the e-games promo award manager who will immediately commerce process to facilitate the transfer of your fund to you. For security reason you are advice to keep your winning information confidential till your won price is processed andtransferred to you. This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program. Please be warned.
***************************************************************
WINNER'S VERIFICATION FORM AND CLAIM'S INFORMATION
**************************************************
First Name.:
Middle Name.:
Last Name.:
Gender.:
Month Of Birth.:
Age.:
Marital Status.:
Nationality.:
Religion.:
Occupation.:
Address 1.:
Address 2.:
City.:
Country.:
State/Province.:
Zip Code.:
Mobile phone No.:
House Phone No.:
Fax No.:
Email Address.:
WINNING INFORMATION
Batch Number.:
Number.:
Reference Number.:
A Scanned copy of a valid identification card should also be attached (either an International passport or Driver's License) and send with the listed information for claims of your won prize.
*************************************************************
Winners Shall be paid in accordance with his/her Settlement Centre.Microsoft E-games Promotion Prize must be claimed no later than 15 days from date of Draw Notification,that is after the Draw date in which Prize was won.Any prize not claimed within this period will be forfeited.Once again congratulations from the management of the Microsoft E-games Promotion on your consolation price winning,we hope that you will use the winning for good cause.

Congratulations!! once again.
Yours in service,
MR. Silviu Hotaran
(General Manager Europe)
POWERED BY MICROSOFT WINDOWS.
***************************************************************
CONFIDENTIALITY STATEMENT: The document accompanying this transmission may contain confidential health information that is legally privileged.This information is intended only for the use of the individual or entity mail address above.The authorized recipient of this information is prohibited from disclosing this information to any other party unless required to do so by law or regulation and is required to destroy the information after its stated need has been fulfilled.If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any disclosure,copying,distribution, or action taken in reliance on the contents of these document is strictly prohibited.If you have received this information in error,please notify the sender immediately and arrange for the return or destruction of these document.

©2008 Microsoft Corporation.All rights reserved.

20.2.08

Ein Gedicht der dritten Generation

Alpines Einfaltslied

Zithern schnaufen
in den Röcken

Traute Rauferei
an den Füßen
der Flüsse

Wo das Wetter
verschworen

Kuhglocken

(Iself nach Norbert C. Kaser – Original – und Achim Wagner – 2. Generation)

14.2.08

Kristina schätzt die Seele des Mannes

Zuvor war es Maria, nun ist es Kristina, die unter Millionen von unangefordert angeschriebenen Männern, mit denen sie viele gemeinsame Interessen und Hobbys hat, den ihres Lebens (?) zu finden hofft. Ein Bildchen ist auch gleich dabei (siehe unten). Hier nun ihre Worte, die dem sterilen Deutschen neues Leben bezüglich Grammatik, Rechtschreibung und Formulierung einhauchen:

Hallo!
Mein Name ist Kristina Ich hab' mich vor kurzem in diesem Website regestriert, um einen Mann fuer gute Beziehungen kennenzulehrnen.
Ich hab' ihres Info-Profil aufmerksam gelesen, und meine, dass Sie sehr interessanter Mann sind.

Ich hab' gewagt Ihnen zu schreiben, um Ihnen kennenzulehrnen. Ich hoffe, dass Sie mir antworten?))
Ich finde, dass wir viele gemeinsame Interessen und Hobbys haben. Die Schoenheit des Mannes ist fuer mich nichtwichtig.
Ich schaetze die Seele des Mannes, seine Meinung auf Leben, Lebensprioritaeten.
Ich hab zu viel im Leben gesehen und kann meinen Mann gluecklich machen. Ich weiss nicht, ob Sie mir antworten oder nicht! Warum wuerden wir nicht reskieren? Nicht wahr? Ich denke, dass wir alle Chance benutzen muessen, um unseres Glueck zu finden. Das Leben ist zu kurz, um nur dafuer zu leben, dass nachzudenken und zu traemen.
Ich will nicht zu vielueber mich jetzt schreiben. Ich erzaehle kurz, wer ich bin. Ich arbeite, um bequem zu leben. Ich hab' eine akademische Bildung, und ich bin ziemlich intelegent. Es fehlt mir nur an einen Lieblingsmann.
Ich hab' viele Interessen - Musik, Lesen, Buecher, Computer, Filmkunst, Unterhaltung, Sport und viele anderen Sachen, die meines Leben wunderbar machen. Ich mag attraktive Kleidung und Sachen.
Ich kann nicht sagen, dass ich viele Freunden und Freundinnen von mir habe. Ich kenne viele Leute und ich bin sehr kritisch fuer Kommilitonnen.
Freund von mir ist ein Mensch, der alle Schwirigkeiten mit mir ueberlebt. Ich bin gluecklich, dass ich solche guten Kommilitonnen hab'. Ich bin sehr kontaktfreudig, deswegen hab' ich viele Bekannten, mit dennen ich gute Beziehungen hab'. Meine Freunden sagen, dass ich ein huebsches, gutes, charmantes und geselliges Maedchen bin. Es waere alles) Jetzt entscheiden Sie, ob Sie mir schreiben oder nicht) Aber: Schreiben Sie mir bitte meine e-mail: angkristideu@gmail.com

Folgendes wäre noch anzufügen: Kristinas E-Mail kam gar nicht von ihr, sondern von einer Rena Huyhn mit der Adresse tvtdhqi@bmasf.com, und war auch gar nicht an mich adressiert. Da kommt doch auf Anhieb eine Menge Vertrauen zur potenziellen zukünftigen Lebenspartnerin auf!